AFL-CIO Executive Council Endorses Comprehensive Doomsday Policy for Working Families

Lake Buena Vista, FL – Today, the AFL-CIO Executive Council announced its unanimous passage of a resolution endorsing a comprehensive doomsday policy that will lead to hundreds of thousands of jobs for Americas’ working families in the 21^st century, while obliterating the planet in the 22^nd century.

“We need union jobs today, not tomorrow,” said Rich Trumka, President of the AFL-CIO.  “The resolution balances our desire to protect the fragile ecosystem of the earth, while acknowledging the economic benefits of a high-road strategy to develop the doomsday technologies of the future.”

Although the AFL-CIO resolution did not explicitly endorse the controversial Eartherminator™ project, a massive death laser financed by Taft-Hartley pension funds and built with 100% union labor, the AFL-CIO resolution expressed support for “shovel ready” doomsday technologies that are “properly designed, manufactured, installed and maintained by skilled union workers.”

Eartherminator™

According to the text of the resolution, the “AFL-CIO supports measures that ensure that doomsday projects create good jobs and build America’s industrial base—project labor agreements, Buy Union and Buy America provisions, and robust training requirements for both installers and repairers of doomsday technologies.”

Sean McGarvey, President of the AFL-CIO’s Building and Construction Trades Department and Co-Chair of the American Doomsday Institute (ADI), noted that environmental concerns were overblown: “Yes, these technologies will destroy life as we know it, but we see enormous opportunities for working families in the emerging evacuation, resettlement, and cryogenic industries of the future.”

In a related move, the AFL-CIO passed a comprehensive resolution addressing climate change, mandating that Executive Council meetings would no longer be held at luxury hotels located near coastal areas subject to flooding or adverse weather events.  Future meetings will be held at secure bunkers located in Utah. 

In addition, the AFL-CIO announced a historic new partnership with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, distributing the LDSPreparedness Manual to all union members as part of the AFL-CIO’s Union Privilege© program.  “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it, “ said Rich Trumka, an avid hunter and survivalist.